Unceasing Anguish? Me?

I was reading in Romans 9 tonight and found myself feeling my commitment to spreading my faith inadequate.

Romans 9:1-5 (New International Version)

God's Sovereign Choice

1I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit— 2I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, 4the people of Israel. Theirs is the adoption as sons; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. 5Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of Christ, who is God over all, forever praised![a] Amen.

Notice how Paul describes how he feels about his fellow Jews and how they have not accepted Jesus. “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.” Paul’s statement made me question myself and my level of commitment. “What sense of urgency do I feel about spreading the Good News?”

I am not talking about a brute force approach and level of commitment. I am not talking about beating total strangers “over the head” with my faith. I believe that their salvation has very little to do with me, how “in their face”, or how competent I am at presenting the Gospel. I believe that true salvation is the work of the Holy Spirit drawing the person close to God.

That being said, how badly do I want the Holy Spirit to use me? How much energy do I expend in prayer asking for the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of the non-believers around me? How badly do I want to discern when the Holy Spirit is prompting me to say something, be somewhere, or do something which might help someone in their journey to come to accept Jesus?

It is just too easy to get too busy. Being available to the Holy Spirit can be inconvenient. Schedules can be unpredictable. And heaven forbid that the Holy Spirit might whisper in my ear “I want you to pack up your things and take your family to the other side of the world and become a missionary.” Am I committed enough to say “yes” when called upon? Well.. maybe a week-long mission trip instead.

God, help me make Your priorities my priorities. Use me in in a way that suits Your purposes. If You need me to make big changes and sacrifices, prepare my heart. Give me the faith I need to say “Yes” when You need me. Amen